I am conscious already that I am not the great writer that I thought I might be! It is not until you try to put words on a page that you realise what a gift it is and how difficult it is. When I read a book it is easy to think "I could write that" but original thought is hard to voice.I know it is within me - in my thoughts and very being - they just need pulling out... maybe it might take some time of blogging to really be able to express myself.
Funny day today, spoke with someone from the past who I was once very close to - I missed her so thought I would ring - but there are problems with our past and the ways we are connected but I want to put things right and want us to move on and be able to drop in for coffee. We will see it's early days! Hopefully it will be a new beginning for us and the start of a new chapter in our lives. It is one of those things that will effect many people as I am from a large extended family and we have had one of those experiences that - like a bomb - has blown us all apart - leaving us all in different places a bit bewildered by events beyond ourselves.
Still no matter what, this person has taught me alot about how to be with children and how to give and receive love - valuable lessons for this life. Just wanted to share that with someone. I have found through her, that it is possible to enjoy children and I am besotted with mine - although not all of the time - that would be abnormal I am sure. I find that I am so proud of their achievements which just makes me a little sad that I was never praised in the same way. They know that we love them without any doubt but I was never sure when I was growing up if this was the case and it is only in recent years that I get it. Some people do not have the capacity to love others though they may do in their own way. Alot is to do with my parents backgrounds and how they were brought up themselves. As I said I think I was lucky to see this person bringing up her children and realising that it could be fun and fulfilling. I think if I had not met her I would have had a different attitude.
I often think these days about the open relationships I have with my girls and boy - just hope it will stay that way and that when they are older we will still have fun gadding about and sharing great times. I sometimes wish I could have had more children just to ensure that I am entertained at all times! Selfish I know but I think children give you so much that having more just means you gain more! They are so loving and happy to please (some of the time) and see things so simply - often a six year old perspective makes me see difficulties in a whole new light! -and the two year old - well an even simpler perspective!I like the way they do not have to worry about things and they can say exactly what they want from you. I love the spontaneity of their hugs and the way their love spills over and touches others.
I am sure everyone whose friends tell them that their children are the nicest ones they have ever met - but many of my friends say this about mine and I choose to believe that they may be right!!! I know that some of the credit is mine! Although the two girls already have their own ideas about what they like and dislike in this life. They adore their brother which is good and will willingly drag him around with them, dressing him up, putting him in their prams with a dummy (which he loves!) and his cuddly blanket.
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