echoes of the past, moving into the future

I am conscious already that I am not the great writer that I thought I might be! It is not until you try to put words on a page that you realise what a gift it is and how difficult it is. When I read a book it is easy to think "I could write that" but original thought is hard to voice.I know it is within me - in my thoughts and very being - they just need pulling out... maybe it might take some time of blogging to really be able to express myself.






Funny day today, spoke with someone from the past who I was once very close to - I missed her so thought I would ring - but there are problems with our past and the ways we are connected but I want to put things right and want us to move on and be able to drop in for coffee. We will see it's early days! Hopefully it will be a new beginning for us and the start of a new chapter in our lives. It is one of those things that will effect many people as I am from a large extended family and we have had one of those experiences that - like a bomb - has blown us all apart - leaving us all in different places a bit bewildered by events beyond ourselves.





Still no matter what, this person has taught me alot about how to be with children and how to give and receive love - valuable lessons for this life. Just wanted to share that with someone. I have found through her, that it is possible to enjoy children and I am besotted with mine - although not all of the time - that would be abnormal I am sure. I find that I am so proud of their achievements which just makes me a little sad that I was never praised in the same way. They know that we love them without any doubt but I was never sure when I was growing up if this was the case and it is only in recent years that I get it. Some people do not have the capacity to love others though they may do in their own way. Alot is to do with my parents backgrounds and how they were brought up themselves. As I said I think I was lucky to see this person bringing up her children and realising that it could be fun and fulfilling. I think if I had not met her I would have had a different attitude.



I often think these days about the open relationships I have with my girls and boy - just hope it will stay that way and that when they are older we will still have fun gadding about and sharing great times. I sometimes wish I could have had more children just to ensure that I am entertained at all times! Selfish I know but I think children give you so much that having more just means you gain more! They are so loving and happy to please (some of the time) and see things so simply - often a six year old perspective makes me see difficulties in a whole new light! -and the two year old - well an even simpler perspective!I like the way they do not have to worry about things and they can say exactly what they want from you. I love the spontaneity of their hugs and the way their love spills over and touches others.

I am sure everyone whose friends tell them that their children are the nicest ones they have ever met - but many of my friends say this about mine and I choose to believe that they may be right!!! I know that some of the credit is mine! Although the two girls already have their own ideas about what they like and dislike in this life. They adore their brother which is good and will willingly drag him around with them, dressing him up, putting him in their prams with a dummy (which he loves!) and his cuddly blanket.

Well today I have had a very productive and fun time! It involved eating croissants outside with strawberry jam and a latte with the whole family in the sunshine - a rare event! We had our neighbours children over to play for a while so was able to get on and do some - decorating!


Hooray the first time I have had the inclination since the birth of H ! So over 2 yrs!! Our kitchen for so long has been painted nearly to the end of it but I obviously got bored or ran out of paint because the area where the kettle is completely bare, devoid of colour - it looks so much better - can't believe I didn't do it earlier. Whilst I was doing the painting, hubby decided to join in and starting pulling nails out of a piece of old wood - "what are you doing?" I asked "This is the old architrive". Once he has sanded the piece of old wood, I realise that it is a missing piece of the doorway that I had not missed in the past 3 years but now it is there it looks as if it belongs. Funny that. There is much more work to do but at least now we have made a start! It somehow seems more do able again!

It has been a lovely day though and I have positively enjoyed being with hubby and working on our house which has been neglected since the advent of children in general. It is hard to pick up a paintbrush because as soon as you do you start to hear a fight breaking out or they want you to get something or as today "mummy H is messing up my game!!!" shrieked in a high pitched whiney voice by M. E is just singing at the top of her voice as she does when happy with her little life - we know when she is not happy - queen of strops!

Days at home

Well here we are again and I am heartened by the fact that in the beginning of my two favourite bloggers that they had no comments either! There is hope! My very favourite ones are "A mother's place is in the wrong" "Family Affairs" "Reluctant Memsahib" and "Flower fairies and fairy cakes" All excellent insights into other women's lives. Could do with reading some male ones then I might begin to understand how men see things??


I have spent the last couple of days off sick from work and realised how difficult the parenting thing is when you are below par! They have absolutely no comprehension of your needs and wants and will just demand their own. Yesterday was not so bad as all 3 children went to school/ child minder so I managed a few hours in bed recovering from a night of very frequent visits to the toilet! Consequently no sleep for either of us then H woke at 5am which he never does normally demanding milk which is a very bad habit that we have got into to make him stay in bed a bit longer. I was never able to get up with the girls until at least 7 am and luckily they used to sleep until nearer 8 am. H though from day 1 has been a 6 am child so our way of managing him is to give him warm milk - necessary for our sanity! I dread the day when he can get out of his cot! He is such a fidget in bed - you cannot lie and cuddle - the peace as we know it will be over!



I managed to catch up on sleep and picked the girls up from school at 5 pm where M proceeded to run towards me as she always does screaming "mummy" which is always heart warming after a day at work or a day at home feeling unwell and sorry for oneself! Unfortunately she twisted her ankle whilst running so ended up in tears and I had to carry her in my fragile state to the car. E carried her book bag and coat but kept dropping it on the playground! So I had to keep putting M down to pick things up but did eventually get to the car! Then picked up the boy and got home phew!! M wouldn't weight bear and was obviously in pain so she was nursed on the sofa until bedtime. Finally got all 3 to bed and went myself without any tea - still in too fragile a state. Husband was home late -after all the children were sorted out!



Today, got up, somehow managed to spend the day at home with all 3 children! One had red cheeks and kept saying she had "slap the cheeks" and M wouldn't walk and cried everytime I suggested school. There seemed little point in sending the boy and a good way to save a bit of money so kept him off too! Remembering too late that he was meant to be at nursery and we could have had 3 hrs peace and quiet! Ended up clearing up remnants of breakfast at least 3 times as they were hungry this morning! Then decided to do the grown up thing and take M to casualty for a check up! Went with visions of spending the night on the children's ward . Anyway all was well she was signed off as having a probable sprain although ever since this time she has crawled around the house including outside but it seems a little better.

On the plus side, the weather has been gorgeous and though I was too unwell to appreciate it yesterday, I fully appreciated it today and managed to spend at least an hour on my bench reading a book. I love reading - especially girlie trashy novels - chic lit - I have a swapping service with one of my friends - I'll call her D. She shares my love of girlie lit and we devour it between visits to one another and swap each time. I love her visits - she is great at girlie - cakes :carrot , white choc /raspberry , DVD's Sex and the City, Desperate Housewives, ER. She always has a new fad and we nearly always have to watch the latest chic flick when I visit her which I always look forward to.

Anyway I can feel gurgling starting in my belly so will sign off now! The children are all still up so I think I will get them to bed then settle to watch something mindless on TV. Adios!

Trip to the other side

Well here I am again! Not fallen at the first hurdle although it did take me several attempts to find my blog again! Was quite disappointed that there were several Mellymoo's doing blogs online but then I suppose there are thousands out there. I have only just discovered blogging - what a fantastic thing, especially if you are extremely nosy like myself!!! I didn't realise how many there were out there. All people with the same thoughts as me - all different lives. It seems now that I am finding friends in cyber space! It is particularly nice for me to meet - when I say meet obviously I mean reading their blog - others who have left their homeland and have no friends where they are. That is no longer the case here in the freezing north (cold and misty today) and I now have a number of great friends on the doorstep but it took about 3 years until this was the case. So to any of you in that position - it will get better!



Have to tell you a bit about me - I am 42 years old - maybe approaching midlife crisis hence the desire to air my dirty washing in public!! I have 3 gorgeous children - and a very lovely though grumpy husband - we'll just call him the grump! Although I do still remember the man I fell madly in love with in a club in Manchester and sometimes I am convinced he might be the same person! Sometimes not!



I am a nurse, which I mostly love tho my enthusiasm has waned of late. I have worked all over the country in the same role but this has to be the most challenging job so far. I do harbour a secret desire to write a book but I see I am not the first blogger to have this idea so I think I will just do it for fun!


I have just spent the past 11 days in the south. As you may have gathered I am based up in Yorkshire - and a bit like the "Reluctant Memsahib" I am a reluctant northerner! I have lived in the North now for nearly as long as the south so that argument seems to hold less and less water! Coupled with the fact that when I say I don't like being here I get told, rightly that it was my decision to do so and I just have to get on with it! He on the other hand is like a pig in muck! Quite literally as he has an allotment and a penchant for growing onions! Still it is true to say that now it would be a tough choice between the two - some of the best people are up here and no matter where we lived I think I would feel I was missing something!



The past week or so has been all the sweeter as it is such a treat - we have been all over the place. My mum and brother live on the south coast which I love visiting. We get made a big fuss of and get lots of help which is not so forthcoming at home .I stayed with the my lovely girlie friend who can only be described as gorgeous, girlie, fun - you get the picture - stayed in her flat for a couple of nights and got to try on all her shoes - as did the children- for hours in fact! We supped wine and caught up - even managed to get out for a curry thanks to her flatmate .


Then we descended on my mother who had my brother staying he is always available to us when we visit - dropping everything. We have some great times together and he loves visiting the north too which is good. I managed to sneak away to play with my london friend in Brighton for a few hours which was so great! Funny I used to do it pre children and get bored with shopping, eating out, catching up! Now it is just the best thing ever!



I managed to buy shoes within about 20 mins of arrival and then went to one other shop and bought clothes - spending nearly £200 in about 30 mins! Told my friend to stop me spending any more - it used to take me a week to spend so much! Funny that it happens so quickly now but I guess I have become used to not shopping much - not great choices where we live! and used to shopping fast before the children get restless and start complaining! Thank goodness for ebay and online shopping otherwise my shopping would be non existent. We do have good shops at York, Leeds, Hull but getting there is such a trek I usually can't be bothered! I am used to it all being closeby and find that by the time I get to these places that I have lost the urge to shop! I think it might be coming back tho!


So that was Monday. Tuesday I - (when I say I it usually means with children in tow! )spent some time with a lovely gay couple, one of whom I carried a candle for many years - obviously until I realised he was more of a man's man! We have recently rekindled our friendship after 19 years of not seeing one another. It is lovely to see him again - a real gent - as is his partner. We spent the day in Eastbourne tho it was not too sunny and there were too many expensive children's areas for my liking and not enough tea shops! We ended up in an italian for lunch and on beachy head in the pub for drinks and a catch up. We could feel the sun inside without the accompanying breeze.


Wed - we took the children to a farm near Lewes and spent a very enjoyable day feeding lambs and all the accompanying activities that being on a farm/play area entails. A great day out with both brothers and mum. Love days like that - great to look back on. The rest of the week we went on various excursions culminating in spending sat at the continental market in Shoreham - oh the excitement!



I then left after Easter to see another friend whom I trained with in Manchester - she lives in Surrey and has two boisterous boys who are hard work but great fun. I remember her so well as a single girlie and we spent many a drunken night together but I think I prefer the mummy version who is so much softer and content with herself. She is ensconced in the country in her country pile as I like to call it not far from anything and I envy her for having such close proximity to my friends and family - and of course the shops, restaurants etc. It buzzes where she lives, the streets full of people and cars - my husband would say too busy, overcrowded - don't I prefer the quiet of our village without shops, hustle and bustle? No I prefer the busyness of towns and always will. Still I find I can dip in and out of it on a regular basis and retreat to the quiet of my countryside where there is no A3 running past it and I guess there is something to be said for being able to hear nothing but seagulls.

Now I am home after the 8 hr journey where we had to stop for ice creams, dinner, toilet breaks. ~We finally got home at 10pm! The relief ! Walking through my front door into my calm, cleaned house (cleaner came twice whilst I was away!) Unloaded the car whilst the children slept on then transferred each one in turn until the tranfer from car to bed was complete. Lovely to see the grumpy husband too - he seemed better looking and funnier than I remembered!

Ok - this is the start of my life as a blogger! Not a blagger - tho I have been known to in the past, especially to men in clubs when telling them I put the jam into jammy dodgers! Amongst other jobs that are too rude to mention here! You will note that I like exclamation marks alot!!!


I am hoping that I will learn about other people and their lives when I do this. I hope there will be interesting insights into life in general and particularly my life with children and living in the North. No it is not a copy of "Wife in the North" I would never profess to being a writer but it is the fulfillment of part of a dream of mine to get published and find an undiscovered talent but doubtless the way that I think is probably the way we all think and I will find that my insights are not unique. I have always wanted to write and be heard but despite pages of journals in my youth I have never done anything about it. I think before I read any chick -lit I thought in much the same ways and was quite disappointed that I didn't get there first!


Oh well this is my life - not made up - still not sure whether it will be interesting or not., though i won't promise not to exaggerate things to make it more readable! Have read several blogs that are interesting to me so maybe this will appeal to someone out there. If not it will be a way to find out if what I think and feel is amusing to read or not.

My dream would be to work from home and write fulltime - obviously combined with playing with children, painting the house, endless cups of coffee and walks with the dog! (Yet to get the dog!)Have seen a very cute one tho - black and white terrier at a local farm. Very tempting to get one but have never owned a pet and not sure if I would know what to do with one! Like the idea of walks in the rain and on the beach and have misty eyed future feelings of seeing the children running with him and throwing driftwood...... I will have to consider it long and hard, particularly as my husband says that as I want him I would have to do the walking etc etc! Not sure I am up for that!


I am known to take off at a moments notice to see friends - obviously that is after the obligatory loading up of toys, clothes, books, shoes, bedding into the car, then the children, their drinks, snacks, sweets etc etc. What it all does to spontaneity eh? I used to take off at a moments notice now it takes me hours! Then you set off on a journey - shortest being an hour to see friends - longest about 7 hours to Grandma's and have to stop after an hour for them to wee ! How I ever get anywhere I really don't know! Still I do still manage to travel about the country, catching up with friends and family