Today it is definitely becoming autumnal, the temperature has dropped and the leaves are falling off the trees. Here in whitby it is cold and it is difficult to believe that this time last week we were on the beach at saltwick bay in shorts and t shirts digging in the sand. I have been in charge of 5 children today and getting stressed about them drowning in the sea as it was coming in really fast but not as fast as I imagined. I took out some money and I was planning to take them to a play area and the slot machines but between taking out the money and getting there I lost it all. Where ?I have no idea! It is gutting that all that money is somewhere but not in my pocket and not for me to spend! I do so love to spend money and I have been so careful lately as there is not much spare these days. We seem to get more overdrawn every time I look despite working and being frugal.
It is definitely not in my nature to be thrifty and my husband often despairs of me so I won't be telling him about the lost money. Recently when I have spent any he likens it to how long he has worked to earn it. To be fair though it is earned by me too. I used to have a big spend as soon as I got paid so negating any benefit of being paid. Recently I am starting to realise that is not the best way to save so have stopped doing that. I do love to buy things though. Where we live there are not many good shops so there is not the opportunity that exists elsewhere. If I want to shop I have to go online or to scarborough which is 20 miles away or middlesbrough which is 30 miles ish away. These days with the children the joy has gone out of spending hours shopping as they are good for a while then get bored unless you are buying stuff for them. I tend to buy alot less these days and make do much more. Saying that we are not in rags and don't want for anything, I think we just don't buy lots of extras that we don't need.
Work is rubbish at the moment. I keep doing that emotional girlie thing where I get so frustrated that I become frustrated to the point of tears, which does not seem to get me my own way at all. I can't help it though because my job is surrounded by politics and these days I can not just have staff because I want them (and were promised them over 5 years ago). I have to prove that there is work for us all and because I am so busy doing the work, I do not have the time to prove that. I am not sure that it is even possible ,because out of necessity we have had to cut the numbers of referrals we see, which then has the effect that we look less busy. Can't win so very frustrating. Also I have never managed anyone before and now am expected to do it all without any support. I am really struggling and thinking about what else I could do as I think it is making me ill with the stress which is not really worth it all. I do love my job though but it is probably not worth the stress. It is one of those jobs that is not seen as essential as it is mainly support which is difficult to measure and quantify. I have been looking for a different job but it is difficult to find something that pays as well.
One thing I think I have mentioned before is that I would love to write a novel and work from home. Ideally I would work a few hours a week as a nurse and spend the rest of my time working from home. I have looked into proof reading courses and coaching as well and keep racking my brains to see what else I can turn up. I guess all jobs have their downsides but these days the NHS managers do not seem to care much unless you can save them money. I think this is wrong as the focus is off the patients and families.
So these today are my dilemmas - I always seem to have some struggle or other. Still the internal ones don't seem too bad at the moment. Maybe it's an age thing! I usually hate winter but even the thought of winter is not depressing me yet! So on the plus side I am still feeling pretty happy overall and content with life in general. There seems to be lots going on so lots of events coming up to look forward to. I have realised that always having a few things in the pipeline makes all the difference. I think as I have got older I have realised a few things :
1. everyone else is not necessarily having a better time than me
2. not everyone else looks better than me/ has nicer clothes etc
3. nobody is busy all the time and even the busiest people have times at home without everyone around.
4. you have to be content in yourself first and then you find happiness in your life (taken me a long time to realise this)
5. life would not necessarily be better in the south!!!!!
It is definitely not in my nature to be thrifty and my husband often despairs of me so I won't be telling him about the lost money. Recently when I have spent any he likens it to how long he has worked to earn it. To be fair though it is earned by me too. I used to have a big spend as soon as I got paid so negating any benefit of being paid. Recently I am starting to realise that is not the best way to save so have stopped doing that. I do love to buy things though. Where we live there are not many good shops so there is not the opportunity that exists elsewhere. If I want to shop I have to go online or to scarborough which is 20 miles away or middlesbrough which is 30 miles ish away. These days with the children the joy has gone out of spending hours shopping as they are good for a while then get bored unless you are buying stuff for them. I tend to buy alot less these days and make do much more. Saying that we are not in rags and don't want for anything, I think we just don't buy lots of extras that we don't need.
Work is rubbish at the moment. I keep doing that emotional girlie thing where I get so frustrated that I become frustrated to the point of tears, which does not seem to get me my own way at all. I can't help it though because my job is surrounded by politics and these days I can not just have staff because I want them (and were promised them over 5 years ago). I have to prove that there is work for us all and because I am so busy doing the work, I do not have the time to prove that. I am not sure that it is even possible ,because out of necessity we have had to cut the numbers of referrals we see, which then has the effect that we look less busy. Can't win so very frustrating. Also I have never managed anyone before and now am expected to do it all without any support. I am really struggling and thinking about what else I could do as I think it is making me ill with the stress which is not really worth it all. I do love my job though but it is probably not worth the stress. It is one of those jobs that is not seen as essential as it is mainly support which is difficult to measure and quantify. I have been looking for a different job but it is difficult to find something that pays as well.
One thing I think I have mentioned before is that I would love to write a novel and work from home. Ideally I would work a few hours a week as a nurse and spend the rest of my time working from home. I have looked into proof reading courses and coaching as well and keep racking my brains to see what else I can turn up. I guess all jobs have their downsides but these days the NHS managers do not seem to care much unless you can save them money. I think this is wrong as the focus is off the patients and families.
So these today are my dilemmas - I always seem to have some struggle or other. Still the internal ones don't seem too bad at the moment. Maybe it's an age thing! I usually hate winter but even the thought of winter is not depressing me yet! So on the plus side I am still feeling pretty happy overall and content with life in general. There seems to be lots going on so lots of events coming up to look forward to. I have realised that always having a few things in the pipeline makes all the difference. I think as I have got older I have realised a few things :
1. everyone else is not necessarily having a better time than me
2. not everyone else looks better than me/ has nicer clothes etc
3. nobody is busy all the time and even the busiest people have times at home without everyone around.
4. you have to be content in yourself first and then you find happiness in your life (taken me a long time to realise this)
5. life would not necessarily be better in the south!!!!!
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