Melancholy weekends

Well here we are again. It is always so late at night when I get time to write! This is the time that is my own with noone demanding anything of me. Even hubby is away so the house is ultra quiet since he cannot survive without either the TV blaring out motor related, fishing or history programmes or the ipod with Elbow - his favourite tunes to relax to!

So no just the ticking of the clock and have not bothered with either TV or radio - I would currently be listening to some newly downloaded tunes but GRRRRR cannot access them tho I know they are lurking within the computer somewhere! It has taken some restraint on my part not just to smash it all to bits on the floor! A throwback of temper from my teenage years when things don't go my way! The last time I did this I learned a valuable lesson - thinking my 4 year old daughter had broken and jammed my ipod I confess I threw it onto our stone, kitchen floor in a rage (it felt quite good) and smashed it to bits! When hubby heard what I had done he cheerfully told me that had I waited that the battery would have run out and then it would have worked again! So this time I know that the music is there - I can see the files - just cannot open the .......things!



Oh well back to life without the things we so take for granted!



This weekend has been a challenge without hubby - but actually I have found it to be more relaxing and laid back than my usual weekend with him. I think some of the reason is that I am not having to deal with his grumps and whinges as well as the children ( though I feel slightly disloyal for saying so!)

It has all in all been quite a lovely weekend - I guess more because the 3 children are kind of at my mercy and have to do what I say whereas when he is around I have to take his opinions into account as well. For instance I hate feeling that we should cook a big roast dinner on a sunday - though I don't mind eating what he produces! This week no roast - pasta which actually was not as nice as it should have been since I went a bit overboard with the spinach! But how lovely not to have to argue about what to have for dinner. Yesterday we ate out which also was lovely because he would have found that stressful and expensive.



We spent hours watching squirrels and ducks in the park which was just lovely - not to be rushing around to get back - just to do and be. A time I will bank in my memory of lovely memories with children to dwell on when they have grown and left me. Might be a bit premature in my thoughts since they are 6,6 and 2 yrs of age!



I find myself thinking about life when they are grown and wondering how things will be then. I hope they will be successful and happy - more than anything that they will be happy with their life and the choices they make.



Sometimes I think I forget how lucky I am. I did not think I would ever be where I am now..... Married - never thought I would stay with someone long enough to have a longterm relationship! Been 14 years now! Having children - always wanted them but feared that I would not be able to have them or would just have one. So lucky to have 3 - and twins too - very lucky. Then to be living where we live in a big house - not huge but larger than I ever thought we would be able to afford - especially down south. We would have struggled to get anything without working thousands of hours a week to pay for it. We have the beach down the road in 2 directions. The North Yorkshire moors on our doorstep.

Just sometimes wish I was a little nearer to my friends in the middle and south of England. That it was not sooooo cold in the winter and that more people would visit more often. But that said all in all not a bad place to live and I have some great friends here which I would miss if we were not here so really I cannot complain though sometimes I would like to! My social life is slowly improving and I have nearly adjusted to not being the centre of other people's universes and understanding that they are unable to pick up the phone or make regular contact so busy are they! I only said nearly.........