The Blues

I must stop starting my blog with "so here we are again" and start to be original! I think so many of my thoughts and feelings are just like other people's but there is that part of me that thinks surely not everyone on these blogs is happy ALL of the time? Are they? I admit it I feel slightly unhappy - I feel quite unwell which I have been for some time but admittedly not all of the time. This involves me having swellings in areas like neck and under arms, feeling generally cross and out of sorts (love that phrase) and cannot be quite bothered to do anything at all! If anyone knows me they will know that is not usual! I do love to eat, shop and drink out and today is a totally child free one so no excuse to be lying around in the house feeling cold and sorry for one's self!

Just about to indulge in some frothy coffee but whereas I would normally have already had it as I am (1) at home (2) without children - so no distractions or demands (3) have been in since about 1000 and it is now nearly 1200. In fact it will be time to go and get all the various children from places in 3 hours! Where does the time go to? Today I just cannot be bothered to drag myself up and out to the kitchen. Tomorrow I have made an appointment to see the GP - again not usual for me - tend to wait ages which I have done for the symptoms to go away - they still have not gone! Torn between wanting to have good symptoms so as to be an interesting case but not with anything too bad and wanting to feel well again.

I think from writing this blog I do feel more inspired to write in general. Not sure what the subject matter should be yet! Could do this sitting around indoors, listening to Elbow on spotify whilst typing my thoughts. I think one day I could have a best seller!

I keep thinking I might have fallen into the wrong hands in life and wondering if I had made some different choices along the way whether I would be happier?? What if I had gone to uni and done some arty farty degree and gone saving the world and was out there still eating rice and unleavened bread (I don't know what they do out there really). I had the opportunity years ago to go and visit a friend working for VSO then Medicines sans frontieres but was too much of a coward to do it! It scares me all the war torn places and unfamiliar territories. I think it taught me something that although for years I had planned to do these scarey things that maybe at heart I am more of a home maker than I think.

The other weekend I went to Manchester with hubby to watch Elbow and have some fun in the big city! Where we live is fairly unexciting and you would have to venture a couple of miles to have any real fun! Unless you count the fun you have at home and with the neighbours! It was great - I loved being so near to all that life and vibrancy. We stayed in the Palace hotel and I was always fascinated by the art cafe and theatres which were next door. We did have a great time but it was not long enough and I said to hubby that I sometimes wonder if we should have stayed where there was more going on. I miss the shopping and cafe culture - not quite the same with Mackays and the little cafes in whitby. I have become quite adept and finding good clothes on the internet and in town - there are a few places that sell up to date trendy clothes. Not many though!

These days I never seem to have the time to just soak up atmospheres, be an observer of others whilst chilling out. This weekend I was able to do some of that and I realised that I do miss it. I plan some more city type breaks now and a few meetings with mates that live a long way away. One such mate, in Leicestershire has already started planning where we will stay and what we will do. In the meantime I will just enjoy the peace and tranquillity of the life in the countryside with the cows !

Holidays and juggling acts

Well here we are again. I know at least two people are now reading this blog which inspires me to keep it a bit more up to date. I think I do suffer with writers block sometimes - so much to say but not sure where to begin.....


So the holidays - never realised what friends meant when they said that they hated the school holidays which this year amounted to 7 weeks! This would probably have been alright if we did not need child care for 3 children for 5 of the 7 weeks! I think maybe next year it might be cheaper for hubby to take a week off to care for the offspring! As it was we booked them into a holiday scheme for 2 weeks which then left 3 weeks to cover as I would be off for 2 weeks. Again you would have thought that this was a simple task - just sign up for the weeks you need and away you go! Oh no - there is a queuing system and the people take all the applications that they have received by post into consideration first then those present then phone calls. Alot of people were disappointed this year not getting their choices. It is good value though, only at the start of the holidays I did not realise just how good value it was!


Thinking myself clever and insightful I had enrolled the help of a young lady for the weeks not covered by the holiday scheme. It was not until the caring for the two girls started that I thought to enquire about costs - only to be horrified by the costs and unable to do much about it. The other thing was that I had kind of stolen her away from another couple who she was also working so I could not really say I was not interested anymore - just had to grin and bear it! The deal had been struck! Still I did not have to do anything except take H so that bit was good, whereas it is all usually a big juggling act , for which I think I should get some type of award such is my dexterity and cleverness most mornings!

Anyway we had a lovely break in the south, spending time with friends - lots of money and buying lots of things! The weather was fine and I felt pretty chilled out by the end of the first week. We then went down to Devon to stay near bro down there near Paignton. It was a funny week because we rented a static caravan and invited an assortment of relatives and their other halves and it was like mixing a giant melting pot of personalities which did not always go too well! It started as a cool time when hubby and cornish friend arrived at the start and we did alot of laughing and relaxed banter. Cornish friend kept things in perspective as well as she was outside looking into our family mix. She could see everyone's point of view very diplomatically! She was a bit frazzled by the end of it because her usually easy going daughter decided to behave as a bit of a diva which she was not used to.

It made me smile as I remember on countless occasions saying to others that my children's behaviour was totally out of character for them, but then it seemed that everytime we met with certain friends the behaviour did not improve! Maybe just the children's way of being paid attention to when mummy wants to chat non stop without paying attention to them. Her son used to do the same!

So all in all we had a great time! On a different note I seem to be finding that I am not such a good friend as I thought I was. Seem to be losing friends faster than I am gaining them and not really sure why! I think it may be just that you lose touch, but sometimes I get a little paranoid and wonder what I might have done. There is a girl at work who I used to see for coffee and the occasional meeting around the shops who has just gone cold on me and with no explanation. She used to text all the time and then stopped. The other day I thought maybe I was just being paranoid and suggested we get together (admittedly on facebook!) and she just did not reply. I have another friend who I have known for years - since working in Brighton - she again has gone cold on me and any attempt I make to contact her seems to fall flat! ~Bizarre - just don't get it at all. Is it me or them?

It is harder as time goes by to keep in touch with everyone - I go south less often than I did so there is less time to catch up so some of it I guess is a natural progression of friendships. On another note I suppose it is the nature of things not to stay the same - things are always changing. I guess I just need to grow up a little!!!?x